Do you remember the old adage - Children should be seen, not heard? Do you still live by that with your children? If so, why?
If we take a moment to step back and look at our children what do we see? We see beings with their own personalities, energies, likes, dislikes and mannerisms amongst the thousands of things that make them who they are.
Love your child in all ways!
Look at all the ways that we try to squelch that every day. Stop talking, sit down, don't be so foolish. And the list goes on and on.
Now go back to your childhood. Do you remember all of those things? Do you remember how things that your parents said to you over and over played in your mind, hurt your heart and stayed implanted in your brain years after they were said to you?
All of these things that we say and put our children through have lasting repercussions. How do I know? Well I had those things said to me as I am sure they were said to you as well.
I swore when I had my own children that I would not do to them what my parents did to me. I have forgiven my parents all the hurts, pains, insecurities and whatnot that they implanted. They were only doing the best they knew how. It has, however, taken years to get to this point.
As a parent you too are doing the best you can. If you are not then you owe it to yourself to try. We as people have to realize that we can only do so much. But the more informed we are, the better we can do.
Lead with your heart and you will get it right!
My kids are 21 and 23, time has zipped by and I am sure if they were to think back they too would have hurts, insecurities and pains that I have caused them. And I forgive myself for causing them these pains. I was only doing the best I knew how.
But as I have gone through my life I have learnt. I was most certain that the thing that I wanted most was for them to know that I love them and will be there in any situation, at any time. Throwing them out on the street was never an option.
Tell them you love them!
I never knew growing up that my parents loved me. I am sure looking back that they did but I only realized this at the young age of 50 something.
It is not easy being a parent. It takes time, sometimes all the time you have in a day goes to your children. But as they grow up, they need less of your time in helping them to do things. And as they grow up they need you more. They need you to let them be who they are meant to be. They need to make their own mistakes and learn from them. They need you to guide them, talk to them, listen to them.
It is not easy!
When my kids became teenagers there were struggles, they wanted to do things and I would not let them do those things because it caused me fear. But they were good kids, in need of becoming their own people so I let them start to do what they needed to do, within reason. I tried to understand what it was like to be their age, what they were going through. That is something not easily done since it has been a while since I was their age. It is hard to let them go but letting them go brings them closer to you.
Teach them well, live like you want them to live. Love them no matter what and learn and grow along with them. Listen to them for they need you to hear!